Eveland

The cost of pain...

2011-12-28T12:05:00.001-05:00

This week I'm schedule to have an outpatient procedure. Don't be alarmed, nothing serious, I'm fine. And the doctor told me you can do it in the office, but it will hurt, or at the hospital with no pain. Of course, I went with the no pain route. The only pain I like is pleasurable.

Trying to be a responsible adult I called my health insurance and I will need to cover the $3,500 deductible and then 30% of the remainder of the bill. I'm calling everyone to get an estimate as I don't know what the total cost of this outpatient procedure is going to be BUT... between all the paperclips and stapler charges I'm expecting about $5,000.

Which it's making me wonder what is my financial pain threshold.

Somebody that I used to know

2011-12-22T16:35:00.002-05:00

I just found Gotye.. here is the link for the song that I'm currently listening on repeat...

Somebody that I used to Know..

Not that I'm in a romantic relationship, and haven't been in one in almost two years. Yeah, two years of no possibility of love, intimacy, kisses with promises, finger playing. Two years of no possibility of a future. Two years of not arguing, no compromising, no settling for less, no silent treatments. Two years of not knowing why we just couldn't make it work.

Is it lonely on this side of non-relationship. Hell to the yeah. No one to buys a xmas gift for, to cuddle with, to plan, to spend a weekend with. But the alternative of that... well there is no alternative because their hasn't been anyone.

Nonetheless, this song speaks to me.. because it isn't about just romantic relationships.. for me it's about friendships as well.. Friends that are "Somebody that I used to know" and I don't.. people that have been there for me in the past, there when Alex died, when I got back to NY broken, when I was heartbroken from a past love, that have been to my parties, part of my life... and now they're just "somebody" in a story, in a photo, in the past, somebody from a memory.

Who are your somebodies? Do you still think of them?

* BTW - that doesn't mean two years without sex...

Cravings..

2011-12-06T00:54:00.000-05:00

Like you and you, I have specific meals or flavors that are my comfort foods:

When allergies are bad: Chocolate milk (nesquik powder) and toast with butter. I stop sneezing.

When I'm cold: Hot Chocolate (nesquik powder, a bit of evaporated milk, regular milk and cinnamon)

When I feel homesick (for Puerto Rico): White rice, red beans and bacalao (cod fish) salad with viandas (name, potatoes, green bananas)

When I'm PMSing: Hageen Daz vanilla chocolate chip ice cream. Actually anytime is good.

Reminds me of Grandma Ita: Okra with bacalao and white rice. She always made me that when I used to visit her.

Reminds me of Tere (she took care of me and my brother): Mashed potatoes (they used to be instant) and corn (from a can). I used to lay down under the coffee table and watch the Flinstones while eating my instant potatoes. Instant love.

Reminds me of my Mom: Hot cereal (rice or wheat) made with milk, vanilla, some salt and sugar. My mom never liked to cook but she USED to make this breakfast on occasions.

Reminds me of my Dad: Pernil. My dad usually comes to my house to season mine whenever I cook it.

Sometimes just 'cause: Frosted flakes with milk.

Tonight was one of those nights.. just a mug with a bit of cereal and milk.. now to sleep. Not the best diet but I'm not counting calories. Yes, I know I should.

What do you crave? What means home?

Why do good?

2011-11-25T11:56:00.000-05:00

At this time of Thanksgiving and holiday spirit I thought of why we do good? Why do we extend ourselves and volunteer or help someone or any of those things that we do. Specially during the holiday season or when “disaster” strikes. Is it for the "good" feeling that it gives us? Do we want to feel superior by our “good” deed? Do we want recognition? Points in our karma scale? Or just give a helping hand?

I try to help out. I mean I barely volunteer, I don’t give blood during disasters, I don't feed the hungry, I don't read to kids or visit the elderly. Nope, I don't do any of those things. But I do help out friends. I'll babysit (if convenient), hold your hand at the doctor, I'll help in the kitchen at your get together, bring chairs or a flan. My helping is limited by my own selfishness. Nonetheless, I feel like I do "good,” I’m there if you need me. You can count on me. And the other day as I helped in the kitchen at my friend’s Thanksgiving I wondered why? What is making me wanna "do good?" And will I do anonymous good?

Through the years...

2011-10-20T16:19:00.000-05:00

For the last 11 years.. yeah 11 years.. I have had a Pre-Thanksgiving Dinner at my place. It's a sit down, get pretty, please no t-shirt, no jeans, dinner. And it doesn't include turkey. Specially since the last time I made turkey I left the insides inside.. oh well. I normally cook the entire meal but now it has evolved to pot luck.. lucky me.

The get together has grown through the years. First it was about 10 people. This year it will be in the mid range of 20 people, closer to 25. If I was to invite everyone that has been to this dinners through the last 11 years it will be closer to 50. Some people move in and out of lives.. some are gone forever, some for right now. But there is always a core group, even if they're here through ichat. So I'm planning already, what to cook, the theme, the chairs and how in the world am I going to fit over 20 people at home.

The Core

That long?

2011-09-09T17:24:00.001-05:00

I was going to write about something else, something that I just forgot about when clicked on my blog and noticed that I haven't written anything since July 18th.. wow. So much has happened since then and because you don't have the time to read a big post here are bullet points.

AUGUST:

- I did the Triathlon - it rained, it was that time of the month and I wasn't living in my house. But I did it and in better time that I thought. And yes, I want to do more.

- The weekend after the tri I went to a seminar in Alabama where I walked on Fire. Yes, a fire was built, the coals spread out and willingly I walked on it. Twice. And it was HOT, but I didn't get burned. Will I do it again? Maybe. No, I don't have any pictures.

- The next day I flew back to NY and worked on a music video for Zumba fitness with Wyclef. Walking on fire was easier.

- My mother came to NY and she helped me out do pick up for the music video and returns. I needed help and she was around. I hope she had fun.

- I had a wedding at my house during the weekend of Irene. Yes, a couple came from London to get married in NY. Decided to get married in my backyard because of the rain they got married in my kitchen.

- The wedding couple and friends left to a wedding lunch and as I was getting ready for Irene I missed a step in the backyard. Felt and couldn't get up. I'm loud enough that my neighbors heard me, jumped the fence and were able to help me. Srta Fish took me to the hospital. No broken ankle just badly sprained.

- So I spent Irene with my foot up getting served.

- I'm finally back home, going a bit of stir crazy, still on quasi crutches, doing physical therapy and missing working out.

How was your August?

And on this day

2011-07-18T14:39:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was at the movies with two of my favorite people in the world. Those boys are becoming amazing young men and I'm blessed that they still like to spend time with their titi. Because I love spending time with them. Yesterday we had a Harry Potter marathon and while at the movies I choked up, and kept choking up for no other reason that it's his time. It's that time of the year that I'm a bit more sensitive, that I tear up for no other reason that he isn't here. So today, between guests, I went through his box of memories. Postcards, letters, poems, unworn clothing, unplayed toys. So long ago and it still feels like it happened today. And I always wonder it could have been 3 boys at that movie instead of 2.. but I'm blessed that I have these two, even if they aren't mine.

Endurance

2011-07-12T08:27:00.001-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen...

This is a dating story, I know that for the last few months it has been about running, or not, swimming, or drowning, or biking. But in between I have started to date. It's online dating, but I have to start somewhere. So I went out on a first time meeting (date) the other day. He was well dressed, charming and we were having a good conversation until he mentioned how he has sent over 300 emails to people and less than 50 contacted him. And I don't know the ratio of whom actually went out on a date. But the story didn't make me feel special at all. NOT AT ALL. I appreciate his candor but I didn't need to know this. Oh well, the date continue and he was talking about photos and I took my iphone and started taking some photos of him. And they were ok. We ended up talking for 3 hours with the possibility of seeing each other again. No plans but it was implied.

Forward to the next day, we're texting each other and he asks me for the pictures. He wants to use them for his profile. I know we're in a dating site and looking for whatever it's we're looking for. But it felt tacky.. I sent him the photos with a note of best of luck.. He contacted me after but for what.. To tell me how well my photos are working for him?

I think I need more endurance in dating than in the triathlon.

36 Days

2011-07-01T11:44:00.000-05:00

36 Days to go.. that's all folks! To raise the remainder of the money and to get better at the different events.

I'm still walking the run part and I still suck, not big time anymore, at the swim part. The latest swim challenge was the wetsuit. A bit claustrophobia set in when I was at the pool this last Monday. Nonetheless, I continue not to drown and this past Wednesday it was that bad. Well this past Wednesday I heard that my legs were like a parachute so to keep my toes touching each other while I swim.. A parachute.. That explains a lot.

I'm getting better on the bike, I'm not that fast but I like it. It's my preferred part of the event and per the coach I have strength.. those legs aren't like that for nothing!..

So 36 days to get out of my head and let my body due what it's been train to do.. Not drown while I flap in the water like a dead fish, not fall while I don't ride the bike like the wind and just keep walking as everyone passes me by..

See you at the finish line!

Uncomfortable Zone

2011-06-30T22:58:00.001-05:00

I'm pushing myself on being uncomfortable. From training every day, sometimes running and swimming in one day.. From going out, meeting friends.. Just not staying in and being comfortable. And you see new people and hear new sounds. And sometimes it's too uncomfortable, like on the 5 loops around the park and the crotch is killing me or when the stupid wet suit just made me a bit claustrophobic. And sometimes it's a perfect evening with someone new and then having dinner with old friends... And uncomfortable comfort.

Is it worth it?

2011-06-13T06:45:00.001-05:00

It has been a very busy summer at Eveland. And it isn't summer yet. I have had guests every day, except for when I blocked my birthday, constructions (bathroom and storage), renovations (t's apt) and now a video shoot. A dear friend needed a place to shoot some web videos. It was a 5 day shoot of the kitchen and backyard. It was an ok amount of money and a lot of juggling.

The day before the shoot I was catering my neighbor's birthday party. But I had to leave the kitchen clean for the crew to arrive bright and early. The day of the shoot I had guests departing and arriving. It's always a dance of cleaning, laundry and everything that comes with new guests. And here I had about 10 people in my place moving furniture, lights, blocking the washer machine and all that comes with a shoot. Did I forget how a shoot is? Maybe I have blocked it after 6 months of not producing one. At least they arrive at 9 and left by 7. So the schedules weren't that bad.

I also had to buy a BBQ grill as mine was creating a phyro show more than grilling. And then there was the heat. Summer arrived early in NY and it was hot in the house. So I went ahead and bought ACs and fans. I needed them after all.

And in five days the shoot was over, I had a great grill, table and chairs. I took advantage of renting a zip car and having men help carry and build stuff. And then the crew was gone.

And then I cleaned. I mean they cleaned before they left but I CLEANED after. And as I was on my hands and knees cleaning the kitchen floors I thought was the money worth it? Yes it was. It allowed me to buy some things that I needed for the house. Will I do it again? It depends. Will I ask for a cleaning fee? You betcha.

Break the ICE

2011-05-17T14:12:00.001-05:00

I just had to fill out my recommitment form for TNT and they ask for an in case of an emergency contact (ICE). And as a single person I have to really think about it. I don’t think I'm a pessimist just a realist. Thinking that anything can happen anytime and anywhere. We’re alive, therefore we will die. No negotiations on that one.

And I could just injure myself and my ICE needs to be reached. It has to be someone that first and foremost will pick up the freaking phone, even if it’s a call from an unknown number. Because my body could be in the morgue for a few days before my ICE decides to retrieve the message or return the call. They can’t go into panic, because what good will that do. They need to be level headed and do well in difficult situations. I also like for the person to know where is my will and health proxy. Hey I’m thorough, and have wishes for different situations. And no my ICE isn’t the same person as my executor or the one in charge of the health proxy. But they all know that I don’t want to be a zucchini.

So I finally narrowed it down, spoke to her (of course it’s a woman) and there she is my ICE. And then I found out that I’m her ICE as well.

Now what...

2011-05-04T13:43:00.002-05:00

As you know my advertising agency career has taken a turn... Last year I worked 5 months and this year so far.. 3-5 days.. Yeah and it's May..

Nonetheless, I'm doing great with the guest house.. And just in case you want to see the amazing job Mr. W did in T's old apartment.. here is the listing.

http://www.airbnb.com/rooms/76761

The first few months of the year were cold and who wants to look for a job when you don't want to wake up. Then I had the first floor bathroom done. Why, why did it take me this long? Which meant dealing with construction, dust, shopping and all that it entails.

Then T moved out and we, by we I mean W, needed to do the renovation. It was more me going to the store and putting down the credit card. While the T renovation was going on I had construction done in the backyard for a custom build storage unit. The bathroom/closet wasn't available anymore after all.

But now.. now I'm almost done. All I'm planning is my big birthday extravaganza and the backyard plantings. And that's 75% done... So that means I should look for a job.

But what, what do I want to do? I always said if you didn't have to worry about money what would you want to do... well I'm sort of there.. yes, I do worry about money. No, I don't have the money to travel the world. But I don't have to worry about Ohh I need x amount.. so now what? What do I want to do.. I have no clue. Any ideas? Suggestions?

Will you risk it?

2011-04-27T21:52:00.001-05:00

I have had that spring cold that I imagine is going around because I can't be the only one hacking half my lungs at night... Nonetheless, with this warm weather and too many guests, I'm not complaining just way too much laundry, I decided to go out on Saturday night..

It was an industry tribeca get together at the top of a hotel in LES and it was good to be out.. And then, then I coughed and he smiled... and you know how shy I'm so I went up to him and said.. laughing at me? of course not.. he said.. we ended up talking for the rest of the night. He was there with some friends and they were going to another bar.. and I decided why not. I'm out already.

At the second place, I had the first drink of the night and it was good and I asked him so what's your story.. and smartly he said have your drink and I will tell you. He went to get a second round and I asked his friend.. so what's his story.. married?? Neither one of them were wearing rings.. Like a good friend he didn't answer which was answer enough. He came back and I asked him.. and he just smiled..Kids? he nodded.

My second drink was on the table, his friend stepped outside for a call and he went to the bathroom. It wasn't late and I was feeling good with one drink, a second one who knows. I took a small sip, took my coat and the train home.. Without a goodbye or a word to either one.. because pa'que.

And then I wondered.. will you risk your marriage for sex? Why? The newness? a different body? scent? taste? But really your marriage, your kids.. your family, your life.. aren't they worth more?

Who Knew?

2011-04-13T07:24:00.004-05:00

As you well know, or not, 3 years ago I lost my hearing on the ride side. You can read it here and here. And beside the "What?!" or "I can't hear you can you move over here", it doesn't affect me on my everyday life. I'm not saying that I haven't adjusted my life because of it, because I have.

But now, with my birthday gift to myself of the triathlon it has brought it more to my attention. Saturday was the first bike group training session, but it was also the first time that I was on a bike since the loss. The day before I lost my hearing I was learning how to bike with clips on and felt down really badly. Between that and vertigo, due to the hearing lost, I haven't been on a bike. But Saturday I got on the bike and did once, yes only once it was cold, around Prospect Park, I felt apprehensive and a bit scared. I used to be fine on the bike, now I was careful.

Then Monday rolls around and it's our swimming training session. With me it's more don't drown, don't drown. We were doing a drill with your face down and move the head to breath and that particular movement, of a fast head turn, not good. Well who knew that in the middle of the pool a little vertigo will show up. Very, very strange. I had to stop, in the deep end of the pool, and get my head straight. I continue with the session but was a lot more careful and aware. I could take medication for the vertigo, but I will see how my head feels in the next couple of sessions.

But I feel that this is good... that I'm aware of my body, it's limitations and what I need to do to improve my health. Some weak health spots to work on, to tune up . And isn't what birthday gifts are about. Making you feel better, happy and improving yourself.

Feeling...

2011-03-30T16:40:00.003-05:00

Happy.. yeah, I know.. Kind of strange that feeling of everything is going to be ok... even with the stupid sprained ankle, getting better, and everything that I need to do. I'm looking forward to the spring. To training for the tri (yeah that's how we call it), home, the guests, the new gig.. Yes, I got something new going on.. and it isn't in advertising... Not that there is anything wrong with advertising or will I turn down a job.. Come on people, just something new. And feeling ok.. really ok.

Yes, I'm doing it...

2011-03-20T16:01:00.007-05:00

My friends know that when I set myself up for something I go ahead and do it. Going to NYU, those birthday trips, the buying of the 1st apartment, the second apartment and then the house. Even those vegetable boxes that some of you hate so much.

But sometimes I don't... the finished script of OH is still in my head and those pounds on my hips.

Every big birthday—you know, the decade and half decade ones—I do a big trip, Paris for my 30th, London and Greece for the other one. Well for this year I'm going bigger than ever. Besides the usual get together I'm doing something new. Something so huge that I need your help. So... I'm here asking for it. Your help. Some of you already know about it and you're already saying that I will not do it, finish it, complete it. Others are saying go for it. Whatever camp you've chosen, I need your help.

I just signed up to do the Nautica NYC Triathlon 2011. Yes, I'm out of shape. Yes, I haven't been to the gym in who knows how long. Yes, I have no business in a bathing suit. But, whatever. I signed up last week with The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's (LLS) Team In Training and this past Saturday was my first training session. And today I ache, muscles that I didn't know I had are hurting and forget going up those stairs. But tomorrow I must go buy a swimsuit and swim.

As you might know my grandmother passed this December. Ita, as the grandchildren called her, lived a good life and at 84 she left us. She had blood cancer. In her honor I'm doing this and I need your help.

How are you going to help? I have a $4,000 personal goal to raise for LLS, which I know you will help with it. But I also need your encouragement, push, belief and kind words. Even if you think I'm going to die when I come out of the Hudson River or must be pushed on a chair that last mile of the run... I need you to believe that WE can do this.

Here is the link to my fundraising page,

Eve Fundraises...

Don't forget good wishes are welcomed and encouraged. Because I'm crossing that finish line with you.

I believe

2011-01-20T10:29:00.004-05:00

in prayer.. I do. I don't pray for my problems to be solved but for answers to come in, in addition to that parking space. And I get answers included that space.

At the moment, I'm in transition. As you know, last year was a rough year in reference of work. I worked for only 5 months and it was a tough job. One of those jobs that makes you question the continuation of a career. The "is this what I want to do for the rest of my life?" Forget the rest of my life for the next 5 years. The job "ended" in November, but they still continue to call me with questions but no additional money. And here is January and I'm thinking well what's next.

I'm not as panicky as last year because I'm doing Srta. Fish's amazing/perfect idea of renting my place for short term rentals.. I started renting in May of 2010 and it has been amazingly perfect.

Go ahead check it out. Eveland at airbnb.

So here I'm again not working but thinking of what's next... and so I pray and answers come in dreams. Dreams that I can make a reality.

Behind..

2010-11-28T13:15:00.003-05:00

This is not about my behind.. I know you want to hear about how sometimes it's worshiped and sometimes called fat.

As you know I'm doing the airbnb thing since June and it has been great actually fantastic. It provides me with some income and I get to meet very interesting people.. but almost everyone leave something behind.

And then there is the get togethers that YOU sometimes come to and leave things behind. So this is about those things you leave behind and not my behind that you want to worship (let a a girl dream).

So...

2010-11-14T21:31:00.003-05:00

I lied... not truly, or unconsciously.. I went out on a couple of dates after my "I'm taking a break from dating post". And it was pleasant.. and then it wasn't...

It was the am I dating J or G or G from way back then? It feels so familiar.. so I don't want to do this. And my dear friend is no, give it a break, blah, blah. But I feel, nope, this is the same relationships I had in the past. It's the same insecurities, unavailabilities, just the same with a different name. And that's not what I want, deserve or desire...

Zero...

2010-10-26T07:58:00.004-05:00

It seems like I have no job goals.. What recession?

Again...

2010-10-18T10:15:00.003-05:00

My job is almost over so...

I'm on a short work schedule so

I'm writing more so...

I avoid feeling panicky and worry so..

I feel quasi productive...

But it doesn't work all the time.

So I made a cake for Srto L's tenth birthday and it was a hit..

Even thought you could see the red velvet cake peeking through the frosting.

The kids loved the snakes, skateboards and cake.

So I hope my friends always have young kids for me to make them cake.

A break

2010-10-12T07:13:00.002-05:00

I'm on a dating break...

I'm not going out just to go out... It's a conscious break. It's a I want to go dancing and just dance and not get your number. It's a.. I'm walking with confidence and love for myself. I'm happy with this break, and not feeling melancholy or lonely.

I'm spending time with friends. I'm spending time reconnecting with home. I'm spending time thinking of what's next instead of the angst of "will he call me," "does he like me," and the best one "is he married?".

It doesn't mean that if someone interesting asked me out for a date I will say no... A girl has to eat after all. I believe in love and I know that my love is walking towards me... but in the meantime I'm enjoying this discovery time.

Home...

2010-10-09T10:20:00.005-05:00

I'm home.. yes, back to my space after a summer vacation at Srta Pescadito and her amazing kids. I took the summer off to help her with the kids and to stay away while "Eve's Bed and you make your own Breakfast" took off. And it has.

Now I'm living in the house with guests. I'm at the small bedroom and I continue to rent my amazing bedroom and upstairs living room . The small room is painted, the full size bed just delivered, and it looks amazing. The picture is with the old twin bed, that I almost fell from more than once.

And since back home.. I had a woman from Denmark that I finally saw after two days being here. She is a school teacher and was meeting her students for an additional week in NY. Very nice. Then I had the guys from Guatemala coming to NY for a concert. Great kids. Now I'm getting ready fort he German History Professor and his wife. She is here for a week while he will be here for 17 days.

I barely see the guests, why will you be in the house while on vacation? And it has been good so far, getting to know people from different parts of the world. Interesting and actually kind of fun. I like being a hostess, as you know.

In addition, my job is about to end and I don't have anything lined up.

So for now this is home.

Back to...

2010-09-22T05:14:00.002-05:00

It's fall in NYC and every September the leafs start turning from green to red to brown, kids go back to school and I go into I should move to LA.

I have lived in NY for almost 25 years. More time than in Puerto Rico. And when the weather starts turning cold I start thinking of the months ahead. The cold weather, the not wanting to get out of the house, the snow. On top of that, besides friends, I don't have anything holding me here. No full time job, no relationship...

So what keeps me? Is it fear? Is it the starting over, is it the I'm not in my 20's anymore, is it the I don't have friends in LA, is it the earth shakes over there.

But to all of that I say to myself.... I'm not 20 anymore - If not now when? I'm starting over in NY as well. There is phones and skype to keep your friends close... We have tornados in NY, specially Brooklyn.

And so I go back to.. should I move to LA?

A Summer of change...

2010-08-28T21:12:00.004-05:00

After a summer of changes, of turmoil, of love, tears, kids, dog and friendship I return home. Some things have change in me. After this summer of finding that which I want and it isn't here. And I yearn for it. I know what I must do which is different from what I thought it was going to be 5 years ago.

Have you realized how your dreams change every few years or so? What you thought it was important then it isn't? Or you just want different. And I do.

I will miss them.. and I know they're only a block away but sometimes that's too far. For a great summer I thank the fishes of my life.

An Update...

2010-08-18T04:54:00.004-05:00

Because you want to know.. and you know you do.

SSHL or better known as "What?" - nothing new.. I still can't hear. I didn't even notice that I just had my 2 year anniversary. The same way that for the most part I don't know the running water in my head. I hear it now as I'm writing this because I'm paying attention to it. Sometimes I test myself. I will place an earplug in that ear to hear.. I think I can hear more than before but until I recognize words nothing new.

It has been interesting at the new assignment to tell people hey I can't hear from that say... And you wonder why must you tell? or maybe not wondering at all... But here it is because if I'm on the phone I can't hear you. If you try to whisper in that ear I can't hear you... So let me just tell you ahead of time instead of you thinking damn what's up with her.. when I continue saying.. What?

I'm working.. yeah!!!.. and some of my friends have found work triple yeahhhh.. other are still looking, no yeah... but is the economy getting better?.. I have no idea, too many empty stores, too many places closing, too many friends still out of work. And how has this recession affected your ways with money? Because I know I'm more cautious ... I think.

I'm still renting my place and living with Srta. C. It has been a fun summer and I'm going to miss the kids and yes even the NO Flash.. dog. I'm schedule to move back home in September.

Love.. crickets.. yeah that's whats up in that department, nada, nothing. zip.. SOOOOO if you so incline and know someone that knows someone that it's the cousin of someone whom wants to go out on a date DON'T SHOW THEM THIS BLOG.. but send them my way... And the next posting will be praise words about you...

And isn't that the way you want to end summer...

Perspective

2010-07-30T05:32:00.004-05:00

I have barely work this year.. the little Sex and the City project and an international casting for a friend. It was 7 months of worry and I was looking forward to earning some money, feeling productive, having a routine, keeping busy...

Ohhh the foolishness.... I forgot the long hours, the spreadsheets, the phone calls, the "that's not what I'm looking for", the unrealistic expectations..

I just started working 16 days ago and I'm already in need of a vacation or maybe a new career.

*Photo from Life's a Blog and a Symphony

In the meantime...

2010-06-22T09:53:00.006-05:00

This isn't another post about how I'm still on the "in-between" gigs, which I am so get on it and call me for a job, this post is about what I'm doing about it.

And this is what I'm doing....

http://www.airbnb.com/rooms/27531

Go ahead check it out..

Are you back?

Yes, I have rented my lovely, comfortable bedroom, amazing home. E is still "living" there. So it isn't an entire home rental just "a room and living room" space. But the reality is that they get the entire house. They get to use all the space including the backyard. I go once a day to water the plants and make sure everything is ok.

And it is working ok... People like the house (why shouldn't they), I'm making some money and...

In the meantime, I'm staying with Srta C and her lovely kids. I'm a kidsitter. I pick them up at 3pm with the dog, go to the park for about an hour, come home and have a "healthy" snack, homework, play a game, make dinner, showers, some TV (only 1 hour allowed which I love) and off to bed by 9pm. If mom is home early she takes over if not it's all me with the "Don't fight", "Do your homework", "Brush your hair", "Go take a shower", "Flash NO"...

It reminds me when I use to pick some of my favorite people, J and C, when they were kids. Which is a good thing.

I'm an unemployed quasi wife...Kind of good for in the meantime.

Where can I get one of those?**

2010-06-06T22:04:00.004-05:00

I was speaking to a new acquiantance about relationships... a person that can't pursue a romantic relationship with me because I'm just a bit on the other side of the age range... and we're talking about what do we do to get one of those... one of those relationship were you find love, respect, companionship, understanding and great sex.

That's my birthday wish.. One of those.

** That was his line...

The farm is back...

2010-05-29T13:59:00.002-05:00

Yes, it's that time of the year and I'm back to fight the squirrels. Who's getting that corn this year? I'm growing corn, beets, lettuce, potatoes, tomatoes, brussel sprouts and the usual herbs... Can't wait for July. Pictures to come later.

What are you growing this summer? In the ground or your soul.

The reality...

2010-05-27T20:49:00.003-05:00

of a job well done.. I wasn't anywhere near the red carpet... but I heard the women screaming.. it felt good being busy. Getting things done.. Being valued for the knowing. Having a good crew and client.

And now to be comfortable with uncomfortableness.

I'm trying that's all I could do.

Are you comfortable?

A dream and a wish

2010-05-23T04:30:00.002-05:00

So today is my birthday.. yes, apio verde to me.. And I'm working. Don't feel bad, it's a good thing. A very good thing. Let me tell you a story.

When I was a young girl of 35 Sex and the City was the hit of the town. I loved that show. I still do. Cliche, I know but so what. And at one point my dream was to direct an episode. But the show finished and now came the movies so that dreamed passed... or did it?

I'm working, today, on a TV special for Sex and the City 2. It's a 30 minute show that will be shown in Latin America. I'm producing the NY shoot, not directing. But I could say that I have worked on Sex and the City.

So yes, it's a good day. I'm working on my birthday on a little Sex and a lot of the City.

Surviving Unemployment

2010-05-08T08:56:00.008-05:00

I know the economy is getting better, or so they say, but some of us are a statistic.

Just in case you don't know it (ha) I'm looking for work.. Yeah, you.. do you know of anything? I'm a really good line producer and agency producer... Really good.

Back to the scheduled post... but because you're between gigs that doesn't mean that you don't want to go out to dinner, decorate or go on vacation. Have the life that you had in the past when you were making money and able to shop, go out for drinks, vacation... ahh a girl can dream.

So below are some "finds" as my in-between gigs continues...

SOCIAL LIFE
- Go out with friends that have a job. They will most likely pay the bill.
If you want to fake it out as you're going to contribute or pay the tip go ahead if it makes you feel better. But know that some people (I'm looking at you kid) will take the money. If you don't want to pay, not even the tip, just say thanks I really appreciate it (mean it, damn it) and continue speaking of the market crash, oil spill or whatever disaster is going on at the time.

- But don't they advantage of their generosity and order lobster, 'cause you might have to pay for it.

- Get together with friends at their place. I know how expensive it's to entertain. You know how much I love it, because you been here in some of those gatherings. But I can't do it at the moment, so offer their house. I bring dessert and help out in the kitchen. For $5 I make a flan and they love it. I get another free meal, wine and company. They get flan and me.

- Convince the employed people to celebrate birthdays and special occasions. I normally help them during their gathering which means a day with people, food and vino... What more do you want? They get to celebrate and enjoy their friends. When is your birthday? I'm a good planner..

NEW FURNITURE
- New to you, as the streets of New York are a great store. In the last month I found outdoor chairs and even a baker's rack. On the street. I know. Clean it, paint it and call it a great find. Now I'm looking for an outdoor glass table. Keep those eyes open.

- Barter; friends and family always want to decorate and change their space. What they don't want you might. Swap that juicer for a cocktail, or that rug that you don't want anymore for an end table. You de-clutter your space and find something new (to you).

- Need to paint? Call the landlord if your place hasn't been painted in a while. It might take a minute for them to response but who knows.

TRAVEL
-I know you want to travel this summer, take a little trip, clear your head. Well go visit friends, take the bus instead of the train. Yes, it's longer but entertaining. For $20 that bus takes you to Washington DC and there is a lot of free stuff to do there, stay at friends house, bring a flan. OK, a flan will not travel well but bring a cheap bottle of wine and hang out, you might get a free meal (maybe) and you get to see some new stuff. And make the bed, it's the right thing to do.

- Train it to Coney Island, bring your food and water and call it an island vacation.

MISC.
The subways is expensive, plan your trips to the city accordingly. You have an interview? (I know I will, I know I will) See friends for lunch or coffee (working friends so they pay). Plan activities within that day and walk it, don't get back on the train for just 30 blocks. WALK IT... Like that you can exercise 'cause you know you don't have that gym membership anymore.

Food Shopping. What food shopping? Clean that pantry. Use those cans that you have there from three years ago. And that mystery meat in the back of the freezer. And cook for more than a day. See the sales at the supermarket. So what if the meat looks iffy.. What's a day or two with an upset stomach. You get to lose some weight.

Those are some of my finds what have you found out when you're between gigs?

Friendships...

2010-05-03T19:32:00.006-05:00

I'm, one more time, watching Sex and the City the movie. Please don't judge, not too harsh... The first time I saw it was at the theater with my dearest friend C. At that time I was getting over a heartbreak. Yes, one of those. And I cried at the theater.. and did I. You know that sobbing, you can't stop crying, just plain ugly. But dearest C was there for me, then and always.

And today I saw lovely M.. I haven't seen her in a minute and she is going over her own heartbreak.. yeah one of those as well. And here I'm watching this silly movie again. And I'm crying one more time. Tears flowing when Mr. Big decides not to be there, the Mexico part, New Year's Eve and of course the closet scene... Love gone, friends there, love found.

My heart isn't broken, I think, and I know I have those lovely amazing friends. Friends that are dependable, honest, reliable, imperfect loving friends. Romantic love, well that's just another film.

I just don't know...

2010-04-26T12:37:00.004-05:00

I'm still trying to grasp the change of going from permalancing to freelancing again. I know there are a lot of us "between gigs" out there. I know that the work climate is improving as some are getting job interviews and even a job (you go E).

But Mondays come and I feel a low level of anxiety, fear, hopeless and even despair. And I fight it, every week day. I get up, make appointments, work on the script, work on looking for work, work on emails, work on phone calls... but it's there under the surface.. The Oh my God WTF is going on. Should I take a class? Should I think of changing careers?How much longer can I be out of work? When do I have to pull the plug, rent out my place and go couch surfing? How much longer do I have?

And it's new. I have always known that work will always come and that I will be ok. I have never felt insecure about work. But now, now I just don't know.

Am I being dramatic? Maybe, that's my tendency but it feels real. Where are those happy pills?

On that crowded train

2010-04-13T22:48:00.004-05:00

I was running late that warm sunny day which is why I stepped onto the crowded express train. On the next stop more people stepped inside. And I was moved aside by a guy. He was a regular guy, around my age, nothing to write about, nothing to remember. But what stayed with me, even a week later, was his touch. His touch to my back. I took a deep breath and remember being held like that. With tenderness and love. But there wasn't love of tenderness on that number 4 train. He was a stranger after all. And we didn't even look at each other after that intimate moment.

But like that Sex and the City episode, when Carry said to Charlotte "I feel lonely. The loneliness is palpable." It made me miss him. Not him.. but you know the elusive him. It has been a while. A while since I thought of a relationship, of being with someone, of sharing my life, of being in love. But in that crowded train, I missed him. I still do.

What about a t-shirt?

2010-04-05T14:44:00.004-05:00

I sent a "cold-call" application to an advertising agency. They had a cool spot at the super bowl. They eventually emailed me back that they didn't have a job (bad economy, blah, blah) but do I want a t-shirt?... At least the t-shirt is kind of cool. And they answered.. some people don't even bother to call or write back.

Can you tell that I'm still not working? But I'm baking some really good desserts.. want some evil flan or key lime pie? Let me know.

Happy! really?

2010-04-01T13:03:00.002-05:00

I tend to be an upbeat person, I see the glass half full and sometimes I'm even happy. But I have noticed a huge obsession with "happiness" and I wonder about it. We're a country that have other things to worry about.. Yes, they just passed a weak health insurance policy, and the economy is supposedly getting better (not for me or a bunch of my "between gigs" friends) but there is much more..

But now our attention is about being happy... and if you're not happy or searching for happiness.. well you're just not in. But for me, you can really search for happiness if you don't have other bigger worries, like health, money, relationships.. a roof over your head.. food on the table... you know those little things in life..

So this is my happy post..
You only know that you're happy because you have experienced unhappiness.. There that's it.. Go, be happy.

Some happiness blogs:

Live Happier by Nancy Jane Smith

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin (she wrote a book about it as well)

How to be happy blogs: A place of all happy blogs

IFP day 2

2010-03-24T14:10:00.001-05:00

I have his authograph.. the end.

And he made this comments...

Make a choice and accept the consequences.

How bad do you want to go to the prom?

Ahhh Peter.

IFP Recap Day 1

2010-03-20T18:22:00.003-05:00

Running late

Took the train to Queens instead of Manhattan.. this is ridiculous after living in NY for more than 20 years..

Got there.. missed the first panel Development Demystified..

2nd Panel - Who's attached? so you get the cast before the money but the money will dictate the cast you can get... Ohhhh ok... what comes first the chicken or the egg?

Saw Srta. Y.. always great to see her.

3rd Panel - Networking & Notice.. continue working on your script even if you get rejected, even if you get accepted.. just CONTINUE working on your script.. and then work on another script. Why aren't you WRITING right now?

4th Panel - Conversation with the head writer of the Daily Show. It's about who you know after all. And sending a good package..

Saw Srta. A.. what a pleasant surprise.

Lunch - Thank you 'cause I was hungry...

5th Panel - Learning to Pitch.. poor people pitching in front of everyone and you only have :30 seconds. Ouch

6th Panel - Art of Selling & Storytelling.. Producers and directors.. you will starve, get used to it.

Last Panel - Directing your Own Script.. Keep it simple, hope you get into Sundance..

I really want to hear from people that didn't make it into Sundance.. do they have a career?

Tomorrow my crush Peter Hedges.. ohhh

A Crush

2010-03-17T11:04:00.002-05:00

One of my favorite films is Pieces of April by Peter Hedges. It was an independent small film with a big story. April (Katie Holmes) is the the black sheep of the family. She lives on an East Side tenement with her boyfriend Derek Luke and has decided to cook Thanksgiving Dinner on her way to reconnect with her family. Everything that can go wrong will...

Peter also wrote and directed Dan in Real Life.. he also wrote What's Eating Gilbert Grape...

And yes I have a crush on Peter.. I want to have his little movies coming out of me.. I love his writing, directing, his way of telling a story of engaging his audience..

And I'm going to see him speak this Sunday at the IFP script to screen conference.. Can I be like you know a groupie and like get his autograph and like tell him to sign my shoulder 'cause he is like ohhh so dreamy and cool.. and ahhhh?

Do you have a professional crush? Anyone that you will be like AHHHH, I can't believe I'm in the same room with...

Go ahead tell.

Today..

2010-03-17T10:05:00.003-05:00

I will call people for work..
not that they return the calls but I have to play the game or feel that I'm doing something. Guilt, and the bank account, and not working, and.. and.. drive me to call people that I don't know, that don't return the call, for jobs that don't exist, that don't pay well...

Right I gave up negativity for Lent.. So you're going to pick up the phone or return my call and offer me a freelance job with a decent pay.

I will work on OH
Creative approach and maybe on the script

Garden. Order the seeds that I need for the yard, go to the backyard and see the soil and what is out there.

Work out - Yeah, aha, sure, right.

Cook - That I will do.

Yeah, I'm doing all that today after I get up, make breakfast, make the bed (habit), and finish this..

Up in the Air

2010-03-13T23:10:00.007-05:00

"THIS POST ISN'T A PITY PARTY"

This post has been approved by the unemployed (sorry between gigs),
I'm still single,
Motion Blogers of America.

Back to the the regular post.

Up in the Air...

isn't the movie to watch when you been let go... It starts with...

It isn't fair.

Why me?

I did a good job.

After all the years I gave to the this company.

I was reliable, dependable, present.

There.

Now what?

Ohh and there is the love story part. Not a movie to watch at home on a stormy Saturday night. Alone.

On the good side, as we have given up negativity for Lent, it reinforces why I'm a freelancer, why we should not work for ONE company for the rest of your life, why we must not give up on our dream.

ON SOAP BOX...
We're not in the "good old times" anymore. People, you must take care of yourself, your life, your retirement. Yes, you must save. Because Big Brother is watching.. watching people crumble and being let go, without rime or reason (is that how the saying goes?), watching savings disappear, watching people doubt themselves and their future, and for the love of God sometimes not giving us unemployment (still a bit bitter)...

Fair? never. The way life is? Maybe, just maybe.

OFF THE SOAP BOX.

Did you see Up in the Air? What did you think?

Hey, hope you had a dry weekend.

Again...

2010-03-10T10:03:00.003-05:00

It's above 40 in NYC and you know what that means. GARDENING SEASON. I have catalogs, bookmarked sites, I'm germinating last years seeds to see what's alive and I'm recruiting help. I'm ready. And yes I'm going to try to grow corn even after last year battle of the squirrels. They won the battle but not the war.

So this year, I'm thinking of growing,

Corn - I will win

Tomatoes - Last year they got sick but I'm ready

Carrots - I know better

Broccoli - Squirrels didn't like them

Beets - Delicious

Lettuce - this was a good crop

And maybe Asparagus

Usual herbs, sage, basil, oregano (I always have a hard time with this one).

Wanna place your order?

Not entitled...

2010-03-09T12:50:00.003-05:00

So I have a corporation.. it's me, sometimes I produce commercials, corporate videos, etc. But for the most parts it pays me a salary. It's an S corporation and I do it right. Which means that I pay all the taxes including unemployment.. But I'm not entitled to collect unemployment...

Yeah, NOT ENTITLED.. even though I contribute to the system. Which I don't mind contributing, but only if I could collect when I'm not working, like right now.

I'm trying, and failing, at not being angry about this.

As if you didn't know this...

2010-03-08T01:35:00.005-05:00

She won... the first woman Director to win an Oscar... and the movie was pretty good.. The Hurt Locker by Kathryn Bigelow.

One of my favorite bloggers Sarah Fahin wrote an interesting post about how it took a film about war for a Woman Director to win...

Below are the posters for the film. One of the posters the scene portrait doesn't happen on the film.. I wonder why they choose that.

This too Shall Pass..

2010-03-04T12:16:00.000-05:00

Perfect for me.. and maybe you.

Without Sanctuary

2010-03-02T11:38:00.002-05:00

I found this site through a click here and a click there... It's a very hard subject, but sometimes the truth can be that way.

Without Sanctuary
"Searching through America's past for the last 25 years, collector James Allen uncovered an extraordinary visual legacy: photographs and postcards taken as souvenirs at lynchings throughout America."

But if you must..

2010-03-01T17:40:00.014-05:00

and can't stopped yourself from getting me a book.. let it be

Drive by Daniel Pink.
"shattering look at what truly motivates us and how we can use that knowledge to work smarter and live better."

I have read his other books:

A Whole New Mind
"The future belongs to a very different kind of person with a very different kind of mind. The era of “left brain” dominance, and the Information Age that it engendered, are giving way to a new world in which “right brain” qualities-inventiveness, empathy, meaning-predominate."

and

The Adventures of Johnny Bunko
"The Adventures of Johnny Bunko is America’s first business book in the Japanese comic format known as manga – and the last career guide you’ll ever need."

and found them both interesting books.

What I'm finding fascinating about Drive is this video of two questions that he talks about in Drive:

What is your sentence?

Was I better today than yesterday?

And answering those questions will drive and motivate you.

What are your answers? Go ahead post a comment.

No new books...

2010-03-01T00:25:00.002-05:00

There are a few books that I want to get.. Driven by Daniel Pink and Seth Godin's Linchpin are among them. But I'm not buying them. I have way too many books at home that I haven't started or finished reading.. from Michael Polan Second Nature, Malcolm Gladwell What the Dog Saw, and then there's Zadie Smith White Teeth and so many others... just too many books to read.

And how can I spend money on new books when I'm "between gigs?" That's just not the right thing to do. Not financially responsible of me. So NO, No new books for me. I could enter B&N without buying a new book... But if you want to give me a book I will not say no to it.

What are you reading?

A day in the life...

2010-02-24T23:46:00.009-05:00

of the in-between gigs woman.

9:00AM - Bathroom.

9:08AM - Is 10am too late to wake up? Back to sleep.

10:15AM - Must wake up...

10:18AM - Hmm, I guess I could call him and go for breakfast

10:40AM - Write the 3 daily pages to get the cobwebs out of my head.

10:50AM - Do I need to shower to leave the house? I'm late so I will do it tonight.

11:00AM - Missed phone call from old colleague.

11:05AM - Warming up the car. Let him know that I'm on my way. He is running late. I could have showered.

11:10AM - Arrive at his place. He is even later. Make phone call to old colleague.

11:30AM - Finally he comes down.

11:45AM - We're still on time for breakfast.

1:00PM - I can't eat for the rest of the day.

1:30PM - Dropped him off. On my way to Fairway

1:45-2:30 - Decide if I really need those item. I don't want to spend over $150. And it needs to last for a few weeks.

2:45PM - Food shopping is done ($130), now I must look for parking.

3:15PM - Let me get the oil checked instead. It needs a quart. There is an oil bottle in the drunk. Yeah, I don't have to spend the money. Gave the guy $5 for the troubles anyway.

4:15PM - Parking goddess delivers, again.

4:20M - Home. Food away. Split the chicken, seasoned the salmon.

4:45PM - Call some contacts.. Got an amazing list of people to call. YEAHHHHH. Will call tomorrow, it's after 5pm after all.

5:30-7:30 I have no clue... I spoke to M, then J, C didn't pick up. Made reservations for Saturday's dinner, Checked out posts. WTF, where are those hours?

7:45PM - Start dinner - Roasted vegetables, mashed potatoes, honey baked salmon. Called Mom. I have enough for a second meal.

8:45PM - Computer alarm rings for Financing your Indie teleconference. Ate while on conference call.

10:30PM - WOW... finally an amazing conversation about Financing your Indie. The question is do I want to spend the money and go to the seminar in Los Angeles? Specially since I'm going 2 weeks later for the NALIP conference. Damn. Decisions.

10:45PM - Catch up on blogs. I love Google Reader.

11:15PM - Turn on TV. Watch some Olympics. Those women can fly.

11:59PM - Writing this. I have Netflix film but I want to go to sleep early so I can wake up before 10am...

12:20PM - Write 10 Things I'm grateful today. (1) A good reputation, 2) A warm home, 3) Friends, 4) I know it can be done, 5) a good meal (thank God I know how to cook), 6) Recommendations, 7) This is when it starts getting hard.. I know when to say No 8) I know when to say Yes 9) I have a blog 10) You might read it.

Just like a good Bra..

2010-02-24T11:01:00.004-05:00

You ladies know what I'm taking about, and I imagine some men as well.. good support is hard to find. A good bra is a thing of glory. It's comfortable, no pinching, no ouching, no itching. It keeps you in place, for me something pretty and sexy besides practical, it's comfortable.

And some friends are like that... a good bra. Some friends are supportive, there present. Some are for special occasions, even if you don't keep in touch you know they're there. Hard to find, so when you have a good one, friend or bra, you keep them forever.

Need new reading material

2010-02-22T12:31:00.005-05:00

Scary article at the NY Times about how the new unemployed will be out of work for years.. .Really not what I should be reading as I'm taking the next steps of looking for work.

And everyone I call are... "it's hard out there"... Come on.. Give me a little hope. Off to read more Happiness Blogs...

Google spells..

2010-02-20T22:19:00.004-05:00

...ease.

From my previous post you can tell that I'm a blog reader.. Yes, My name is... and I read a lot of blogs. I bookmark the sites to keep track. But I needed to click on each site to see if they had a new post. I hated that... But here comes Google to save the day..

I just spent the day organizing the many blogs with Google Reader.. ahhh.. the many folders,

Film
Mommy
Garden
Fun
Creative
Writers

And those are just a few of the many I created.. I then clicked on add a subscription and organized the blogs by folder... and then.. this is good.. and then it told me which blog was updated and I haven't read the posts. And so I read.. and read.. and I'm still catching up.

Ease.. easy.. organized.. Ahhh Google, if I could marry you.

A click away

2010-02-16T23:58:00.004-05:00

I read blogs.. a lot of them. And I love how I find some by just a click away...

There is Heather Armstrong from Dooce.. whom I have mentioned in the past.
She writes about being a mom, depression and her life. Heather and her husband live off their writing...

There is Gretchen Rubin and her Happiness Project. I read her book and read her blog all the time

Gretchen wrote a post and mentioned Sarah Falin who is a TV writer in Hollywood. She is single and wants to have a child. She talks about it at Star Fish Envy.

Through Sarah I found...
Jenna.. who's dream is to have a working farm.. She is young and inspiring.. And tell the great stories at Cold Antler Farm.

Then Sarah just wrote about bloggers that she likes to follow and she mentioned...

Real Delia.. she is a professional writer that lives in London. I just started reading her tonight..

And someone in Sarah's blog mentioned:

Penelope Trunk.. whom I just started reading tonight and now I have wayyyyy tooo manyyy pages open.

Then there is The Bright Side Project .
Which you must do.. they give things away for answering simple questions.. everyday something new. Cool right?

And then there are my friends blogs:

Genny Kellam - thought provoking and funny with Escaping the Tight Spot..

Cory Zacharia - my other mom talks about life at...Hub Pages

and then there is my FAVORITE food blog

Smitten Kitchen by Deb Perelman

I did the Chocolate Souffle Cupcakes for V day and there were amazing.. and

The Southwestern Pulled Pork.. finger licking good.

And those are just some of my favorite things.. of way too many blogs that I read.. Believe me there are a lot more..

What about you? What are you reading?

Peggy or Viola?

2010-02-12T17:20:00.001-05:00

Got this from a friend.. just lovely.

Now what?

2010-02-12T16:18:00.005-05:00

I have freelance for over 15 years.. And it has been good. I have done a couple of long projects, but for the most parts it's always short projects.... Mostly commercials, but I have worked on feature films, documentaries and live television. I know that work will always come my way. ALWAYS.

But now.. now, I feel unsettled, even insecure.

What's different now? I don't know.. is it that I was for 4 years at GW? That I don't know the new players? that the economy sucks and so many people are unemployed? That I don't know what I want to do next?

Whatever it is... it's affecting my mojo.

Touched

2010-02-05T19:16:00.005-05:00

I don't remember the last time I felt in love and it was reciprocated .. but I'm ahead of my story. I'm just watching the Pink performance at the Grammy's of her song "Glitter in the Air" (I know I'm behind the times) and it just touched me..

Just earlier today I was thinking of how I want to go out on a date. A real date. To be picked up at my place, go out for dinner, maybe some drinks after, flirt and wonder... or even better to actually know.

To know, that I'm in love with you and you're in love with me.

And I don't remember.. I don't remember the last time I was in love and it was returned as well.. That feeling, you know exactly what I'm talking about.. the knowledge that your soul is touched. That your heart, for this moment, is being taken care of..

Ahhh.. to be in love. So today, and forever, I wish you that.. to know that you're in love, and that you're loved.

And I know, deep down in my own heart, that it will come for me as well.. Because somewhere in my most inner self I know I have had that.. I have been in love.. and you loved me back. To throw Glitter in the Air.. I can't wait until I do it again.

Starting New

2010-02-02T14:53:00.004-05:00

What?

When?

Adjusting this post at 3:17 in the morning.. I should be sleeping but I have spent the entire day.. Ok just most of the night.. fine, fine over 8 hours working on my producer's website..

I'm rocking and rolling with iWeb..

I hope you like it.. and if you don't, really dude.. WTF.

evelynbadia.com

Yes.. go ahead and check it out.. I'm still working on some parts like the bio.. ahhh.. I hate that part. Wanna write it for me?

2010.. still?

2010-01-23T23:21:00.010-05:00

I wanted to do a last decade post.. I didn’t know if to write about the professional, the personal or romantic side.. And you know complicated romance gets.. also aren’t you tired of those posts? Come on it’s almost 2011…

Instead here is a brief synopsis of 2009

I grew corn.

The squirrels ate it.

The end.

Of course, I also went to Miami for a Cablevision shoot

Puerto Rico to see my sick grandmother

Saratoga to see

Puerto Rico again for my High School Reunion

Italy with Mom and friends

Argentina for another Cablevision shoot

And a escape to Patagonia

But 2010 started with..

The “permalancing” job at GW has ended.

Went to Puerto Rico...

Came to NY for 14 hours and then to Park City, Utah

Yeah.. Sundance...

because what else is there to do for the unemployed filmmaker but go and see films, hear panels and now itch to shoot?

And now I’m thinking of what’s next? Really.. WTF is next?

In Patagonia

2009-12-23T11:44:00.008-05:00

With the chickens...

That's a lot of ice...

Going home... I will miss you Argentina..

A tradition...

2009-12-06T18:03:00.008-05:00

Tradition - a long-established custom or belief that has been passed on in this way..

The Annual Pre Thanksgiving Dinner is a short established custom or belief that if you don't show up all hell is going to break lose... and you better come all pretty...

This year was a fast and furious get together. This dinner is usually held the weekend before thanksgiving but because of a business trip it was 3 weeks early and with one week notice...

And I'm happy that it happened... As stressed out I got about.. what to cook, what to cook.... ahhhhh

I'm always happy to share the time with friends and family.. and sorry for those that couldn't attend... But there is always next year.

So here we go...

I need a bigger stove...

You don't like my apron?
I have proof of T in the kitchen.. and now it's all over the internet...

We keep having children at our gatherings.. I hope it's a sign of what's to come

Yes, it tasted good...

The Italian crew....

And then the feast... This year very, very latino

And then it comes the saying thanks.. whether you want to or not..

This year memorable mention.. sleepovers, at home and coming again...
Friends were missed but were there in spirit

A toast to the new memories...
Until next year...

Now...

2009-12-06T17:50:00.002-05:00

How easy it is to not be in the now.. always in another place, another situation, another relationship... it feels like, it looks like it.. clearly it must be...

But it isn't..

I'm here right now, laying in this leather couch, listening to the genius playlist that apple gather for the song Lover by Devendra Banhart (those at the pre-thanksgiving saw me dance to it), looking a the Buenos Aires sky getting dark (the sun is setting in the other side of the building) and being here... knowing that in another minute I will not be...

"Well Iiiii, I want to be your lover..."

Gratitude...

2009-11-27T11:35:00.003-05:00

So it's Thanksgiving weekend.. and this is a day late.. but it's a whole weekend of gratitude so be thankful that it's up...

First of all, I'm in Buenos Aires, shooting a Cablevision commercial. So I'm grateful that I'm working, it has been a busy year. And I'm thankful that I'm able to pay my mortgage.. money comes and it flows... I'm specially happy that I'm in shorts and a t-shirt while it's a bit colder in NY.

I'm also here for a bit longer and heading down to Patagonia and maybe crossing over to Uruguay... And for that I'm grateful. That I have a passport and have used it to travel this year to new and interesting places.. with good friends.

And with that I'm thankful that we were able to get together for the annual pre-thanksgiving dinner (photos to come later).. a bit early but just as much fun.

I'm also grateful for my health, even if in the last 10 days I have gained the weight I lost this year. It's ok because I know I could lose it.. I just have to stop eating meat, potatoes, drinking wine every day and having dessert twice a day. And I will stop once I go back to NY. And I'm grateful that I know that, so I'm not beating myself for gaining the weight. Because really what's better than a great steak, wine and then some dulce de leche?

Not feeling guilty about it.

Ahhh gratitude..

What are you thankful?

Someone told me that...

2009-11-04T18:20:00.003-05:00

I'm worth repenting.. and confessing..

It made me smile.

Over 10 Years...

2009-11-04T17:41:00.005-05:00

I'm doing a bit of closet cleaning... a lot of dust, sneezing, shredding and findings. And found how my career started over 10 years ago.. the first production job.

I was a Production Assistant for a day, I remember getting home sick, vomiting, excited that I was finally working in production.

Because I spoke Spanish and I was cheap.. the next day they moved me to Script Supervisor... and I never PA again.

I worked as a Script Supervisor while going through school... Then I was hired as a Production Coordinator,

And soon after that as a Production Manager...

I finally finished college right before my 30th birthday, yes school took me a long time. Because of my school film "Forever" I was considered for a Directing job... But a more seasoned Director got it and I was hired as a Line Producer...

Did that seal my fate?

During the last 13 years I have worked in Live Television, a Feature Film, Documentaries, TV Commercials, Radio Spots and...

Who knows how long as an Agency Producer...

with occasional work as a Director... my future!

Every day through winter...

2009-10-23T15:03:00.002-05:00

Some individuals start the gathering, saying hey.. which way today.. let me flap the wings, work out, getting warmer for the night.. some hang on trees waiting for the masses to come..

And then they merge as one.. no accidents, no disagreements... moving as one single entity.

Simply amazing.

And then what...

2009-10-20T23:49:00.006-05:00

Last Thursday the rain and wind woke me up, and I was fortunate that I didn't have to go into the office so I cuddled up in bed some more and went back to sleep. What I didn't expect when I finally when out to run errands was the cold.

WTF happened to the fall?

Really, this is not funny at all.. it's just way to cold. And that cold Thursday night I couldn't sleep and I started thinking.. warmth.. where.. Los Angeles.. I wonder how cold it is? I checked the iPhone weather apps.. perfect 60's.. the rest of the week more of the same.. Mmmm I could move. I could finish the latest project and by January 1st I could be out of NY. Escape the worst part of winter. Besides what am I doing in NY that I can't be doing in LA? Friends and family are busy with their lives, I work, clean the house, cook, blah, blah, blah... I could do the same in LA and be warmer.

So of course, I checked Craig's list.. how much can I rent my house? Enough... How much is a bungalow by the beach? Cheappppp.... I could buy a car and drive cross country... I always wanted to do that... a nice adventure for 2010.

And then I panicked.. If I was too move to LA then what.. my life would be all about work... That's all.

NY please be gentle with the cold.. I'm trying, really.

All tied up...

2009-10-15T23:07:00.001-05:00

Tonight I was having a conversation with dearest M about dreams.,, Not when you go to sleep but those other dreams and desires. And how our jobs have either stalled them or detour them.

I thought that by now I would be making a living as a film director with a family... yes, yes that standard husband and child, thingy. And now, at this time those dreams feel clouded…

My career as a freelance producer have created the perfect golden handcuffs… I have the flexibility to either work from home or go to the office, and not before 10am. I work in interesting projects, some more challenging than others. I get to travel enough. And the money is good. And for the most part I like the people that I work with… How do I give any of that up?

And the career has afforded me a home, travel.. a pleasant lifestyle.

I remember when I was in my early twenties working on Wall Street. My college professor heard me that I wanted to get into advertising and I didn’t know how. At that time all I wanted was to work in an ad agency. I didn’t know what I wanted to do in the industry until years later. The professor recommended me for a job, but that job came with a 10k pay cut. But I knew that if I didn’t do it then I would never do it.

It’s great when you have nothing to lose…

And now I’m older I think of IRAs, 401ks, retirement plans, health insurance, expiring eggs, single parenting, paying off the house and growing corn.

Is the dream of directing gone? I don’t think so… or at least I sure hope not. But those golden handcuff sure make it harder.

At arms length...

2009-10-10T12:25:00.004-05:00

I was reading an article on the NYTimes, here is the link go ahead read it and come back...

http://tiny.cc/FeFYv

OK, so you're back...

Besides the tragedy... what stayed with me was the following line...

“Please keep me company, Madeleine. But don’t get too close.” Then I laughed, realizing that what I’d said characterizes the nature of my adult relationships. Madeleine smiled up at me, and in my heart, I thought, “Get as close as you like.”

Please keep me company, but don't get too close... I wondered if I was like that.. I don't think so but I know that I date men that are like that... they want the company, but don't get too close. Don't have that intimacy, the closeness. Love at arms length. Just close enough without getting hurt or committed.

How do you allow people to get close? Why some and not other? How do you know they're far enough ?

I wonder.

A taste..

2009-09-29T04:20:00.007-05:00

of Parte Dos of the trip

and Florence with a..

2009-09-29T03:30:00.011-05:00

bit of Sienna and Pisa... Still Parte Uno of the Italian Extravaganza trip...

The view from our room..
Another view...
I loved how so many houses had vegetable gardens in their yard...

Mom found herself...

A little bit of rain came our way... just a tiny bit.

How would that look in the yard?
Not the real David... and how tired do I look here.
A statue...

takes a break...

Hungry? Want a bite?

What part of NO is it that you're not getting? (Old style PMSing.. baby)

I'll fix that...

And we found rice and beans... Brazilian but by day 8 who cares.

A lovely organic farm and winery, where we had a great organic lunch and wine..Ohhh Firenze I wish I had more time with you..

And then there was Venice

2009-09-25T13:57:00.009-05:00

We, mother and myself, left Rome and when up north. And Venice welcomed us with rain and wind, trying to find our way. We spent two nights.. and left in another storm. In between we had a beautiful day with lots of walking.

The view from our room...

View from our room..
Sometimes it takes a little powerful thing to move something big.. and take you places.A sunny day in Venice

Up and down, up and down.. yes, Mom there is another bridge after this one.
I love how unashamed they are about showing their nipples...
Traffic Jam
NY or Venice?
And then we left Venice...

Rome Parte Uno

2009-09-19T01:30:00.009-05:00

Here are just some pics from the first part of my stay in Rome. This portion of the trip is with my mom. We rented an apartment in Trastevere. I loved the apartment, neighborhood, restaurants and people.

Morning view from our apartment.
The park in front of us.. during the morning it was a market with delicious fruits and vegetables...
In the afternoon the kids took it over...
He said, "The best to way to die is unexpected".. And he was unexpectedly killed here.
I scored.. a laughter...
A Roman ending his day...

Mom learning the one handed photo thingy...
We did the Angels and Demons tour.. yeah, I know, but it was cool.. here it's the saint that was in ecstasy..

Mom on tour.. Or me asking, "Where is my mom?"

Our tour guide Roberto... the best guide so far.
Heaven or Hell?

Blah, blah blah...

2009-09-13T14:49:00.001-05:00

Does a midlife crisis follow you anywhere? everywhere? blah, blah, blah... Yes I know.. I'm in Florence. Yes, I know I have a job, that pays well enough for me to come to Italy.. yes, I know I have a lovely home, and lovely friends.. and a lovely life..

But then.. why the blahs?

And then...

2009-09-13T14:10:00.004-05:00

We're off.. for the last couple of days... we went to the Sunset Tour and the Angels and Demos tour.. I know, I know but my mom saw the movie and I thought it was a good idea.. but I should call it the "Where is my mom, tour" as she continue to disappear in all the different attractions. I have pictures of her paying NO attention to the guides.. But I had a good time.

Both tours were good but if not a bit tiring. How come no one says that the sidewalks and streets in Italy are HELL!!! Past visitors just forgot to mention that there are no real sidewalks.. my feet are killing me and so when that happens you...

Shop some kick ass boots and a bag of course... yeah to italian leather baby. Forgive the bad photo but those boots really kick some Italian, NY and Puerto Rican ass and that is a lot of ass to kick.

But I know you really don't want to see photos of my shopping spree so here are some of the hoods and us walking around room..

BTW - the best decision I have made is to come back after my Mom leaves.. we didn't get to see the Colosseum, Vatican or much of Rome. I mean leaving the house after noon just doesn't cut it too.. Today (Sunday) was the first time we left the house and early and that was because of the Angels and Demons tour. And it was funny that on the way there she was telling how I have us on a schedule.. how easy we forget that I just let her sleep until she woke up... Oh well. Did I say patience was the theme here...

We found a great restaurant Vin Allegro on Aperto Tutti.. I even had some white wine. It was a lovely non touristy restaurant. Yummylecious.

So now I'm packing for the Venice trip adventure to start tomorrow...

While on vacation...

2009-09-11T01:46:00.004-05:00

I don’t remember the last time I DIDN’T bring my computer... Of course I have it now in Italy... Brazil? I had it… Greece.. I had it.. I think it was Spain but I did go to a lot of internet café.

Now I’m also bringing the iPhone and loving the google maps... Never to be lost again.. until I see that AT&T bill.

I continue my NY life, pay bills, read the NYTimes, email friends, blog… it makes me feel like I’m living on the new place and not just vacationing.

At the beginning of the trip I keep a budget.. I keep track of the expenses and how much I spend per day. By the end of the trip all hell breaks loose.

I also keep a journal per trip... notes, numbers, addresses, situations, my thoughts.

I don’t like to get up early… whatever, whenever or whomever wakes me it’s ok by me.

I like to see a play, music, a show, something else beyond the usual.

I have a list of places of must see with the caveat that meeting someone new and inviting me to something different will take precedence over a museum.

What about you? What do you like to do while on Holiday?

Loving in between...

2009-09-10T04:39:00.005-05:00

I arrived on the plane wondering who was going to sit next to me...(I know, I know I was a bad daughter, but I bought my mom's ticket after mine and there was no seats next to each other.. that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it).. It’s always a surprise… when the tall and striking man sat next to me. We smiled at each other and it was magic… Alfonso, an Italian man that lives in NY.. a real gentle man. A lot older and of course not for me… he shared his bounty (food) and wisdom during our flight to Rome…

Alfonso told me the story of his real wife, not the first wife but the real one. He works in fashion and this day he saw an angel walking 4 inches off the ground.. his angel. How he immediately told his first wife that he found his love. Divorced his first wife and married his real love. And were married for almost 30 years. Now he is a widow of more than 13 years and we spoke of love and friends.. women friends and how they just adore him and want to be with him… And in his deep Italian voice he said.. I know she would want me to marry but I haven’t found the real love again. Love must come spontaneously, you can't planned it...

And it made me think of the times I have loved and said.. So right now you’re loving in between…

Ahhh Rome, love and what’s to come.

Sudden Sensorineural Hearing Loss - SSHL

2009-09-02T12:01:00.002-05:00

If you have found this post because you’re doing research in reference of Sudden Sensory Hearing Loss, please know that the government is doing a clinical trial for treatment. Check out the link for further information.

http://www.suddendeafness.org/

I was part of the clinical trial and even though my hearing didn’t come back it was one of the best decisions I made in regards to SSHL. I went to the NY Eye and Ear and Nina Suslina is/was my contact there. The NY Eye and Ear team is amazing. I still see them for anything regarding my ear even though my part of the clinical trial is over. You can contact me via evebad@aol.com if you need further information.

Once you lost your hearing you have a very short window of opportunity to be part of the trial, so don’t wait. And best of luck.

A dream...

2009-08-25T19:04:00.008-05:00

It started as a dream or more like I had nothing better to do with my time. To grow some veggies…I had done herbs, eggplant and tomatoes in the past..But that was small stuff... now I dreamed big... I wanted it all... the impossible dream of growing corn… Yeah.. Corn grows in Brooklyn...

So long ago...

I waited..

And watched it grow...Almost ready...

When the attacked happened...
I knew it was bad when I saw this as I walked out to the backyard.. A warning.
of what was to come..of what I was going to see..
the devastation..

the eaten corn...So a friend came by and helped clean up the war zone...

But next year, squirrels, I will be ready for you...

What about you?

2009-08-23T21:34:00.003-05:00

Have you checked out TED yet? If not go ahead, click on it (http://www.ted.com/) and be blown away. But don’t forget to come back…

So you’re back…

As I was writing, I was just sharing the site with a friend and it came to me that I would love to go to one of TED conferences, experience the talks in person, the creativity, inspiration.. wouldn't that be just amazing... But you know me.. so let's make it harder.. Then the thought changed to.. What about speaking at TED? Now that that is a dream so huge, so big that it has to be something to strive for..

And then I thought what would I talk about…

Would I talk about wanting to talk at TED and the path that it took to speak at TED… or the path of finding love, you know that’s a big one for me… or the harvest.. I have stories to tell about growing corn in Brooklyn…

But I really like the idea of speaking about the path that it took to speak at TED…

What about you, what would talk about at TED?

A leftover guest

2009-08-05T09:18:00.004-05:00

Someone was left behind after the weekend get together...

It just runs in the family

Really?

Achooo..
Jackson, where you be at?

'09 No Bailout BBQ

2009-08-03T03:37:00.009-05:00

The sun came out and it was a beautiful day to share with friends, old and new friends...

Genny, sorry for the out of focus photo but it's the only one I have of you..And the babies arrived early...

Fish...
or also known as mini Malcolm Gladwell...

Jackson only likes imported...

The lovely ladies...

Do you have any pictures of the get together? Please send them to me.

Easy does it..

2009-07-28T14:59:00.001-05:00

When things are meant to be they just go smoothly, in a serendipity way.. you must do the work but it feels effortless.. that's all I'm looking for in work, life and specially love.. easy does it.

Enough already.. I got it!

2009-07-27T22:31:00.002-05:00

Life is one lesson after another…

You ask for patience and the universe, God, spirit, whomever you believe or not believe in sends you opportunities to try your patience.. From walking to the train, on the train, getting out of the train and do you really want me to tell you about work? Because your patience will be tried every single time.

You want ease.. really? Because you must work really hard at having it easy… Plan accordingly and know that ease comes after uncomfortableness and a lot of work.

You want love? You know how that story goes.

And then how do you realize when you’ve learned a lesson? When do you know you got it…. Yeah Got that... Don’t. Need. To. Experience. It. Anymore. When do you listen to yourself, that gut feeling deep within you telling you, actually screaming DID YOU GET IT? Did you? Because just in case you didn’t get it the last time here it is again.. And this time let me hit you with a bat over the head until you get it. Got it now?

My hands are up and I’m backing away because I’m done with this lesson.

Ideal Vacation

2009-07-23T07:53:00.003-05:00

It’s strange for me to plan a vacation ahead of time… Because of work, or is it me?, I normally plan vacations about two weeks ahead of time, give or take one week. My trip to PR was a 48 hour decision. But now I’m planning a vacation to Italy for September, I know, that’s like so far, far, far.. can you see that far ahead? It’s overwhelming.

One of the reasons for the change of vacation planning is that I’m inviting my mother for part of the trip. Yes, I like to live dangerously. But note that I only say PART of the trip. And so I’m planning early.. What cities I think she would like... museums… hotels… transportation… how many days before I go postal? You know the normal worries of a vacation.

But with all of this early planning the options have opened up.. I can try to contact some friends that might have friends in Italy.. Do you know anyone?... ask for recommendations? Again, do you have any? And it’s making me think what do I really want from this vacation? During vacation, ok all the time, I like to get up late, not really have a schedule, know what I want to see, but when… well that will take care of itself. Go with the flow and see what happens. Now I’m looking at things like staying at a castle, biking through Tuscany, meeting a friend in Sicily..

The possibilities as endless as my budget.

What's your ideal vacation.. and do you want to meet in Italy? Yes, it could be after my mother leaves.

Morning inspiration...

2009-07-22T07:13:00.006-05:00

This morning I was woken up around 7:30, hey that’s early for me, by one of my dearest one… Srta. M or also known as Sra. M de V… and after I was woman it's early… I woke up and actually thought of her…

I’m fortunate to be in the presence of creation… that which she desires she manifests.

Through the years I saw her in different relationships, like a hummingbird tasting different nectars.. always with passion and hope, always looking… And with that came broken flowers, sometimes her sometimes them.. but the dissolution of love didn’t take her down.. while regrouping she allowed love to come to her. And here she is in a wonderful loving respectful relationship.. but not only did she create that environment.. walking consciously of what’s important to her but she also allowed it to happen.. She was open for love to come and fill her life… And it has.

Then it was work… again looking for what’s next.. not satisfied with just a job.. going here.. going there.. running with dogs.. whatever would make her happy.. if she wanted to work somewhere and she didn’t have the skills, she learned them… the economy was bad? Not for her, there was always a better job around the corner… Always striving for more.. and I don’t know if she is where she will be forever.. but she is where she need to be right now.

And then there is the life of her live.. her son.. ahh the tiring years.. the what can I do to make that child’s happy and his life the best that he can have… Always in love, always there.. No matter what.

Mind you I’m realistic about who she is.. We have had our moments and I know she isn’t perfect but I love, admire and I’m inspired by esa nena.

How do you Love?

2009-07-19T09:48:00.003-05:00

Is it with restrains.... Do you hold yourself back? are you cautious? not really showing your love? Waiting for the other person to make the first move?

Unconditional... you jump without a parachute... you just love and show it.. you call, email, text.. maybe even write it on the sky... the other person knows your love... no questions asked.

With fear... will they love me back? what if it doesn't work out? what if they break my heart? what if... what if

or hope... I hope for the best... let it work out.. let the person be the one I been looking for...

What other ways? So how do you love? And yes it's about romantic love...

Unrealistic Expectations...

2009-07-17T08:51:00.006-05:00

This past weekend I went to the 25th high school reunion of the high school I didn’t go to in PR. I know go ahead and re-read it again. A lot of us were together from elementary school, then intermediate and then high school. But I left to NY after ninth grade and didn't finish school with them. Nonetheless, I went to their high school prom and was invited to their 25th reunion.

It was a last minute decision and I’m glad I did it… But I forgot that a reunion is something that will make me take stock of my life. I know I already do that, but this was a smack with reality…

The reunion started and with it the usual questions... What do you do? Produce commercials… Yeah those things on TV… Married? No…. Kids? No… I didn't feel the need to go into the details of yes, I was married over 20 years ago and I’m not anymore… or yes, I had a son that passed away, his birthday just happened.. . And let me tell you how last year I lost my hearing in one ear. But I didn’t say any of those things, instead I smiled and opinions were formed..

I was the class president of the ninth grade graduation and it seems that I was a bit popular.. Me popular, friendly? Never… The reunion made me think of unrealistic expectations.. who I was then to who I'm now and what were they expecting...

Have you gone to your reunion yet? What was your experience?

Ready

2009-07-17T08:47:00.002-05:00

to harvest...

Drama - it isn't for movies only

2009-07-15T16:19:00.001-05:00

From Daily OM...

Alive In Joy
Dispelling Drama

There are scores of people in the world who seem to be magnets for calamity. They live their lives jumping from one difficult to the next, surrounded by unstable individuals. Some believe themselves victims of fate and decry a universe they regard as malevolent. Others view their chaotic circumstances as just punishments for some failing within. Yet, in truth, neither group has been fated or consigned to suffer. They are likely unconsciously drawing drama into their lives, attracting catastrophe through their choices, attitudes, and patterns of thought. Drama, however disastrous, can be exciting and stimulating. But the thrill of pandemonium eventually begins to frustrate the soul and drain the energy of all who embrace it. To halt this process, we must understand the root of our drama addiction, be aware of our reactions, and be willing to accept that a serene, joyful life need not be a boring one.

Many people, so used to living in the dramatic world they create, feel uncomfortable when confronted with the prospect of a lifetime of peace and contentment. The drama in their lives serves multiple purposes. Upset causes excitement, prompting the body to manufacture adrenaline, which produces a pleasurable surge of energy. For those seeking affection in the form of sympathy, drama forms the basis of their identity as a victim. And when drama is familial, many people believe they can avoid abandonment by continuing to play a key role in the established family dynamic. The addiction to drama is fed by the intensity of the feelings evoked during bouts of conflict, periods of uncertainty, and upheaval.

Understanding where the subconscious need for drama stems from is the key to addressing it effectively. Journaling can help you transfer this need from your mind onto a benign piece of paper. After repeated writing sessions, your feelings regarding the mayhem, hurt feelings, and confusion often associated with drama become clear. When you confront your emotional response to drama and the purpose it serves in your life, you can reject it. Each time you consciously choose not to take part in dramatic situations or associate with dramatic people, you create space in your inner being that is filled with a calm and tranquil stillness and becomes an asset in your quest to lead a more centered life.

How quickly they grow

2009-07-07T10:14:00.004-05:00

Apio Verde to you...

2009-06-30T23:53:00.001-05:00

Apio Verde to you.. Apio Verde.. Apio Verde.. Apio Verde to you...you know who you're...

Sometimes...

2009-06-24T15:56:00.009-05:00

Because sometimes you wanna play....

or you want someone to make you feel betteror go to a spa..

or a big adventure...
or spend the day reading..
or in bed. Hay que sueno...
But you always want to smile...

Ahh those milky toof make my day.. .

http://mymilktoof.blogspot.com/

created by Inahe
All images are copyright © Inhae Renee Lee 2009. All rights reserved.

Hope

2009-06-21T13:59:00.003-05:00

As I place my sleepy head on the pillow I started laughing thinking of the great day I just had...

The day part was spent with the universe showing me possibility, hope and the things I love in a man... Caring, kind, smart, handsome, funny and all of those great qualities. The knowledge that it's out there and not just a fairy tale.

Then I rushed home avoiding the rain to spend the evening sharing and laughing... Having a delicious quiche from Senorita C.. who knew she could cook?; great guacamole from Le nena T... yes, she knows how to beat the avocados.. T showing hairy things, M spilling and then hiding and L just being adorable as always. Three young filmmakers. Viewing short films, seeing what worked, what still needs work and knowing that they have a future, I was hopeful.

I also shared some of my past work.. from long, long ago. One that worked and one that didn't. And made me think of where I been and where I'm going...

I hope, no I know, there will be more evening with tears running down my cheeks because of laughter and not pain.

Corn and then some

2009-06-11T21:58:00.006-05:00

How it all started...

Corn..

Tomatoes, Lettuce

Beets

Broccoli and Cauliflower...

Waiting for July or August to harvest....

Goals and Forgiviness.

2009-05-21T16:37:00.002-05:00

As I approach my birthday I must forgive myself for not reaching certain goals... We all have those New Year's resolutions, before summer, by my birthday... goal dates..

And so do I.. and I failed..

But it's ok... It's ok because the day might come and go but the possibility of the goal is still there.. and there is June 1st.. can I do it by then?.. let's see.. because there is always June 15th... and it isn't that I'm not working on it.. I'm .. it's just that is taking a little longer than expected.

have to, there is nothing that can be done...

2009-05-20T23:10:00.002-05:00

Words that I hate... I was told today.. there is nothing that can be done.. it is what it is... what hateful words those are.. that and you have to...AHHHH

I guess it's my control freakness to think that I have no choice.. because at the end of the day I do have a choice.. I could stay or leave.. I could put up with it or decide that it isn't worth it.. so there is something that can be done... don't tell me that I have no choice because I will kick and scream until I find that there is something that can be done.

Amen to having options.

Question...

2009-05-16T08:03:00.002-05:00

It's something that I wonder... When you're at the lowest point in a romantic relationship... what makes you stay or leave? I only ask for your honest answer.