The cost of pain...

This week I'm schedule to have an outpatient procedure.  Don't be alarmed, nothing serious, I'm fine.  And the doctor told me you can do it in the office, but it will hurt, or at the hospital with no pain.  Of course, I went with the no pain route.  The only pain I like is pleasurable.
 
Trying to be a responsible adult I called my health insurance and I will need to cover the $3,500 deductible and then 30% of the remainder of the bill. I'm calling everyone to get an estimate as I don't know what the total cost of this outpatient procedure is going to be BUT... between all the paperclips and stapler charges I'm expecting about $5,000. 

Which it's making me wonder what is my financial pain threshold.

Somebody that I used to know

I just found Gotye.. here is the link for the song that I'm currently listening on repeat...

Somebody that I used to Know..

Not that I'm in a romantic relationship, and haven't been in one in almost two years.  Yeah, two years of no possibility of love, intimacy, kisses with promises, finger playing.  Two years of no possibility of a future.   Two years of not arguing, no compromising, no settling for less, no silent treatments.  Two years of not knowing why we just couldn't make it work.

Is it lonely on this side of non-relationship.  Hell to the yeah.  No one to buys a xmas gift for, to cuddle with, to plan, to spend a weekend with.  But the alternative of that... well there is no alternative because their hasn't been anyone.

Nonetheless, this song speaks to me.. because it isn't about just romantic relationships.. for me it's about friendships as well.. Friends that are "Somebody that I used to know" and I don't.. people that have been there for me in the past, there when Alex died, when I got back to NY broken, when I was heartbroken from a past love, that have been to my parties, part of my life... and now they're just "somebody" in a story, in a photo, in the past, somebody from a memory.

Who are your somebodies? Do you still think of them?

* BTW - that doesn't mean two years without sex...

Cravings..

Like you and you, I have specific meals or flavors that are my comfort foods:

When allergies are bad: Chocolate milk (nesquik powder) and toast with butter.  I stop sneezing.

When I'm cold: Hot Chocolate (nesquik powder, a bit of evaporated milk, regular milk and cinnamon)

When I feel homesick (for Puerto Rico): White rice, red beans and bacalao (cod fish) salad with viandas (name, potatoes, green bananas)

When I'm PMSing: Hageen Daz vanilla chocolate chip ice cream. Actually anytime is good.

Reminds me of Grandma Ita: Okra with bacalao and white rice.  She always made me that when I used to visit her.

Reminds me of Tere (she took care of me and my brother): Mashed potatoes (they used to be instant) and corn (from a can).   I used to lay down under the coffee table and watch the Flinstones while eating my instant potatoes.  Instant love.

Reminds me of my Mom: Hot cereal (rice or wheat) made with milk, vanilla, some salt and sugar.  My mom never liked to cook but she USED to make this breakfast on occasions.

Reminds me of my Dad: Pernil.  My dad usually comes to my house to season mine whenever I cook it.

Sometimes just 'cause: Frosted flakes with milk.

Tonight was one of those nights.. just a mug with a bit of cereal and milk.. now to sleep.  Not the best diet but I'm not counting calories.  Yes, I know I should.

What do you crave?  What means home?

Why do good?

At this time of Thanksgiving and holiday spirit I thought of why we do good?  Why do we extend ourselves and volunteer or help someone or any of those things that we do.  Specially during the holiday season or when “disaster” strikes.  Is it for the "good" feeling that it gives us? Do we want to feel superior by our “good” deed? Do we want recognition?  Points in our karma scale?  Or just give a helping hand?

I try to help out.  I mean I barely volunteer, I don’t give blood during disasters, I don't feed the hungry, I don't read to kids or visit the elderly.  Nope, I don't do any of those things.  But I do help out friends. I'll babysit (if convenient), hold your hand at the doctor, I'll help in the kitchen at your get together, bring chairs or a flan.  My helping is limited by my own selfishness.  Nonetheless, I feel like I do "good,” I’m there if you need me.  You can count on me.  And the other day as I helped in the kitchen at my friend’s Thanksgiving I wondered why?  What is making me wanna "do good?"  And will I do anonymous good? 

Through the years...

For the last 11 years.. yeah 11 years.. I have had a Pre-Thanksgiving Dinner at my place.  It's a sit down, get pretty, please no t-shirt, no jeans, dinner. And it doesn't include turkey.  Specially since the last time I made turkey I left the insides inside.. oh well.  I normally cook the entire meal but now it has evolved to pot luck.. lucky me.

The get together has grown through the years. First it was about 10 people.  This year it will be in the mid range of 20 people, closer to 25.  If I was to invite everyone that has been to this dinners through the last 11 years it will be closer to 50.  Some people move in and out of lives.. some are gone forever, some for right now.  But there is always a core group, even if they're here through ichat.  So I'm planning already, what to cook, the theme, the chairs and how in the world am I going to fit over 20 people at home.

The Core

That long?

I was going to write about something else, something that I just forgot about when clicked on my blog and noticed that I haven't written anything since July 18th.. wow.  So much has happened since then and because you don't have the time to read a big post here are bullet points.


 AUGUST:

- I did the Triathlon - it rained, it was that time of the month and I wasn't living in my house.  But I did it and in better time that I thought.   And yes, I want to do more.

- The weekend after the tri I went to a seminar in Alabama where I walked on Fire. Yes, a fire was built, the coals spread out and willingly I walked on it. Twice.  And it was HOT, but I didn't get burned. Will I do it again? Maybe.  No, I don't have any pictures.

- The next day I flew back to NY and worked on a music video for Zumba fitness with Wyclef.  Walking on fire was easier.



- My mother came to NY and she helped me out do pick up for the music video and returns.  I needed help and she was around. I hope she had fun.



- I had a wedding at my house during the weekend of Irene.  Yes, a couple came from London to get married in NY.  Decided to get married in my backyard because of the rain they got married in my kitchen.







- The wedding couple and friends left to a wedding lunch and as I was getting ready for Irene I missed a step in the backyard.  Felt and couldn't get up.  I'm loud enough that my neighbors heard me, jumped the fence and were able to help me.  Srta Fish took me to the hospital.  No broken ankle just badly sprained.

- So I spent Irene with my foot up getting served.

- I'm finally back home, going a bit of stir crazy, still on quasi crutches, doing physical therapy and missing working out.

How was your August?

And on this day

Yesterday I was at the movies with two of my favorite people in the world.  Those boys are becoming amazing young men and I'm blessed that they still like to spend time with their titi.  Because I love spending time with them.  Yesterday we had a Harry Potter marathon and while at the movies I choked up, and kept choking up for no other reason that it's his time.  It's that time of the year that I'm a bit more sensitive, that I tear up for no other reason that he isn't here.  So today, between guests, I went through his box of memories.  Postcards, letters, poems, unworn clothing, unplayed toys.  So long ago and it still feels like it happened today.  And I always wonder it could have been 3 boys at that movie instead of 2.. but I'm blessed that I have these two, even if they aren't mine.